Working it out....

"But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
~James 1:4

Ever have one of those days? You know the ones. You force yourself out of bed and then wonder why you ever bothered getting up in the first place. What could go wrong, does. And all before the first cup of coffee.

I want to be patience and not let those things in life that will inevitably happen get me down.
I want to be that person that just shrugs and says, "oh well" and moves on.

Instead I allow the insignificant things in life to become monstrous and turn a perfectly good morning into one of chaos, impatience, and frustration.

Why? Why can I not just give it to God at the beginning and move on?
Why must I fail in this area again and again?

I want to show Christ to those around me, namely my children, but when I get like this I am not teaching them how not to do the very things they do that drive me crazy.

"Do not be so grumpy", I grumpily tell them in the mornings.
"Don't let it upset you so much,", I growl in frustration.
"Do not be so impatient", I impatiently snarl at them.

In my impatience, my grumpiness and my frustrated frame of mind I unknowingly show that it is not only okay to clothe ourselves with these emotions, but to wear them with fervor.

Reality is, we all get impatient, grumpy and frustrated, and just plain angry over things in our lives.
It's how we handle, or in some cases not handle, these emotions.

Lord, meet me where I am and give me the patience and peace to face each day with an openness to whatever may be without feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and ready to jump back in bed and hide under the covers!

May you all walk with Him today!

Blessings,

Amy

Weeds

Weeds. Need I say more.
Nobody likes them. They pop up throughout our yard choking out all other plants. You pull one and another springs up in its place. And they do not just come back slowly, but more fiercely than before.

Weeds. We have them in our lives too. They come in various forms swallowing up the good and overtaking the joy in our lives. We try pulling them by the roots, yanking them out and thinking we've gotten rid of them, then suddenly they spring up again, bigger, stronger and more powerful than before.

Matthew 13:28 tells us, "an enemy did this." Jesus tells the parable of the weeds, of how a farmer plants a field of wheat and wakes one day to find weeds have been sown among the wheat one night while he had been sleeping.

We cannot always tell the difference between the good plants and the weeds, because they can both look so similar in the beginning as they are taking root and sending up shoots. We have to wait for both, the plants and weeds, to grow so we can see which is which. It is only when both have come to maturity that we know what to pull and burn, and what to harvest and keep.

As we keep our eyes fixed on our Father above He will help us discern right from wrong, good from evil and the beauty from the weeds. Let us keep our gaze fixed on Him and allow Him to be our master gardener, weeding our lives of all that is not good, all that can be overwhelming and choking out the joy from us.

In the meantime, while I wait patiently for Him to pull the weeds, I will continue to show my gratitude for all the good that is in my life:

11. no broken bones

12. sounds of laundry being washed and dried

13. warm, fluffy bath towels

14. friends to listen and see me through the rough patches of life

15. dirty dishes in the sink indicating full, content bellies

16. a little extra money to spend on lunch out with my son

17. coffee made just so to warm and wake me

18. God's Word

19. cloudy days perfect for curling up with a good book indoors

20. peace in my heart

What are you grateful for?

Blessings,
Amy

Pearls

Yes, there is a new look, again , to my blog. Always changing, forever non-content with my blog, my life, myself. Will I ever find the real me and be happy with her? Will I forever be seeking new things so that I can find contentment?

Trials make me run, and hide, and feel weak, but the Lord says that through the trials in our lives we become stronger. We develop our strength and perseverance through Him to keep going. I do not have the strength nor the courage to continue forward most days, at least not on my own. The days that start with my asking God to direct my steps are always the best days. Are they perfect without problems? No. Are they straightforward with no worries? No. But those days are doable because I know in my heart that the Lord was directing my steps and if He is standing beside me no one can stand in my way.



My devotion today read:
"Pearls are the product of pain--precious, tiny jewels conceived through irritation, born of adversity, nursed by adjustment."
~excerpt from Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life.

How I long to be a pearl. A pearl of beauty, strength, wisdom and courage. Made from a tiny grain of sand grown into something beautiful that only God could make.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
~James 1:2-4

So many changes have happened in my life and so many more to come. I suppose that is why my blog continues to change as I strive for finding the perfect in all of the imperfect, continually changing and forever seeking.
May you and I always seek the Lord first above all else for that is where real contentment can be found no matter what changes take place in our lives.

Blessings!

Amy

Not much to say, so a poem instead...

that says it all.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations -
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice,
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life you could save.

*(Mary Oliver – Dream Work)

Amy

A grateful heart

I decided it was time to join others in the grateful community and work towards completing a one thousand gifts list.

Thank you God, just thank you, from this humble heart, this broken heart, this wounded heart, this grateful heart...thank you for the gifts that you lay at my feet, set by my door, bestow upon me while I'm in the thick of life. Thank you for continuing to bless me and care for me.

The first 10 gifts from God that I am grateful for:

1. Two wonderful sons, imperfect as they are, who love You with all their hearts, who love me despite my faults and imperfections.

2. Friends that love unconditionally.

3. A house.

4. Money, however little, that provides as needed.

5. Food to nourish our bodies.

6. My God that loves me, why I don't understand, but am humbled by His love.

7. The ability to make a living while at home.

8. Financial aid to help me pursue a college education.

9. His Word that I can freely drink in to quench my thirst and eat from daily to nourish my soul.

10. This one day that He has given to me.

What are you grateful for?
How many gifts does God bestow in your life? Can you see them, scattered out there amidst the troubles, worries and fears that jumble your days one into another?
Make your list and see just what you have.

Amy

Here we go again...

Here I am, once again, in the land of bloggers.

A new blog for a new year.
A time to start fresh, to start over, to emerge after a year of wandering.

wan·der·ing: 1 a : to move about without a fixed course, aim, or goal b : to go idly about : ramble 2 : to follow a winding course : meander 3 a : to go astray (as from a course) : stray b : to go astray morally : err c : to lose normal mental contact : stray in thought

2009 was a year of stumbling through the wilderness, blindly feeling my way along a path of darkness looming ominously overhead, crowding in around me and offering no possible way out.

Or was it a desert I wandered in? A dry, scorching desert. Stepping ever so gingerly, yet quickly, hoping to keep my feet from being scalded time and time again, while I anxiously searched the distant horizon for an end to the pain.

Or perhaps it was a raging sea that I struggled to cross. Winds whipping all hope out of my hands, a darkness so black it engulfed me, and waters that closed over me keeping me imprisoned by distorted images.

I wandered through all of those places, and often still do, rambling aimlessly at times, both my body and my mind.

But when it felt hopeless, when it seemed forever dark and when the path looked impassable, He came. He led my steps, holding out His hand, whispering in my ear, "only fix your eyes on Me, it's all you need to see or know."

And when I fixed my eyes on Him, it was truly all I needed. He was the Truth in the middle of lies, a place of rest and peace during the turmoil that swirled around me, and a lamp for my feet, lighting my path.
He was, and is my Jesus.

A year ago marked a new season in my life. The end of one thing marked the beginning of something new.

So, here I am again, back in blogger-land, typing my heart felt thoughts.

If anyone is out there I hope that my words are not too rambling, too dis-jointed for you. If they are, then it is because I'm still rambling along this path known as life, trying to find my way.

Won't you wander with me?