Becoming Emotional...

"It's okay to have and feel our feelings -- all of them."
~excerpt from The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie

The above quote was the start to my devotion today. It made me stop and think how over the last year and a half I am learning how to feel again, how to embrace my emotions and accept them...the good and bad.

"We are neither weak nor deficient for indulging in our feelings. It means we're becoming healthy and whole."

Learning to be healthy and whole again has been my focus for the past couple years. I've worked hard to loosen past emotional scars that have caused my emotions to bind together unable to move, causing me to be unable to feel.

As those scars worked themselves loose, one by one, the emotions began to flow. And when they began to break free and come forth it was like a torrent of rain beating down on me and not letting up.
The power of those emotions would be overwhelming at times, forcing me to my knees and knocking the breath out of me.
I didn't know how to handle them or if I should. I shouldn't be hurt, sad, angry, or scared, but when they came one by one at any time of day or night, I could not help but to open up to them.

So, one by one, they flowed free from that deep place where I had locked them away, to be silenced and ignored...because it was safer that way.
But now, I felt sadness and with it tears that flowed hotly down my face without warning. The heartache that accompanied the tears grew intense, but I allowed it to throb achingly in my chest.
Then anger would spew forth catching me off guard, scaring me with the intensity of it, but I allowed it also to rise up in me and be heard.
The hurt, fear, grief...they too joined in and together the once locked away emotions burst forth forcing me to feel once again...to become emotional.

I learned to embrace the feelings, to lean into them and let them happen, taking over my body, mind and soul. At first it was hard to allow it to happen, but as time went on, I came to find myself yearning to feel more and more. In that moment of becoming emotional again I felt alive...renewed.

Although we should never allow our emotions to control us and the decisions we make in life, we should learn to acknowledge and accept our feelings as the gift that they are. Our feelings help us to look at what we may want or need in our life. They can direct us in the right direction and teach us invaluable lessons.

Being emotional again for me, means I am healing and learning to be honest with who I am.

And in the midst of all the emotional chaos in my life I can still say that God has richly blessed me in so many ways, so I will continue to count my blessings and be grateful today:

#61 waking to sun pouring through the window

#62 the apologies that follow the tears

#63 clean clothes to fold fresh from the dryer

#64 dirty dishes in the sink

#65 long distance talks with a mother who grows older

#66 a son who is slowly regaining his health

#67 healthy love that is unconditional

#68 finals and projects due at the end of the first college term

#69 a God that loves me through it all

#70 warm blankets to sleep soundly under

What are you grateful for today?

Blessings,

Amy