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Life Inspired Thoughts

Blessings,

Amy

New seasons

On my morning walk yesterday I became keenly aware of one season slowly turning into another. It felt different...the lighting, the smells, the air. Summer is bidding its farewell as fall is quietly making its presence known.

I often have a hard time with the passing of each of the seasons because it feels that my life is slipping through my fingers along with each one. Time has a way of sneaking past and suddenly a week, months and years have come and gone.

And it really does feel like it all happens in the blink of an eye.

Seasons come and go, continually changing our lives, and often in an unobtrusive way so we barely notice. We walk through seasons of heartache and struggles, joy and fulfillment, life and death. And with each season comes the inevitable cycle of budding, blooming, dying and lying dormant for periods of time. But always and forever there is a constant in our lives...Jesus Christ.

We can have the assurance that even as the seasons sneak past us and life moves too swiftly stealing away time, that we have an Eternity to look forward too where all concept of time will mean nothing. There will be no more pain, tears or sorrow...only rejoicing and continually praising of our Father.

So for now as I sit by my open window feeling the morning air shifting into the coolness of fall, I will remember to enjoy every moment of here and now, while continuing to count my blessings.

#151 a cup of warm coffee to gently nudge the sleep from my eyes

#152 the hum of the dishwasher

#153 seeing my son off for his first official day of training for his new job

#154 the ring on my finger which signals a new season about to begin

#155 morning walks to strengthen both body and spirit

#156 cleaning and sorting in preparation for moving in three months

#157 sitting and laughing together with her sons

#158 heart felt apologies and coming together again

#159 always just enough money provided just when needed

#160 looking into his eyes and feeling contentment

May you all find something to be grateful for today and may you savor each moment of your life.

Blessings,

Amy

Not many words...

I don't really have a lot of words today for a post....some days are just like that, don't you think?

We sit and ponder, pray, contemplate, pray, remember and pray some more. Some days don't need words, just thoughtfulness.

So, in spite of my lack of written words I will continue to be grateful for all that I have in my life.

#141 cool early morning breezes through open windows

#142 colorful hanging plants to greet me as I step outside

#143 the smell of freshly brewed coffee upon waking that my son made

#144 her son back safe and sound after a long weekend youth group trip

#145 the opportunity to teach childbirth classes again

#146 God's provision over and over again

#147 new skills that allow her more job opportunities as she seeks employment

#148 air conditioning in her car as summer suddenly appears bringing hot temperatures

#149 the safety of a friend and her family after a fire destroys their home

#150 a healthy relationship

What are you grateful for today?

Blessings,

Amy

Living for the moment

Living in the moment has never been easy for me. I am one to look far ahead with fret and worry. Always wondering how I will get through tomorrow instead of focusing on today.
After a tragic accident last month that took the life of my son's dear friend and left my son with emotional scars, I am learning to seize the day and live in the moment. The words spoken by the pastor on that somber, sorrowful day that a young life was laid to rest still ring in my ears..."seize the day." And that is how my son's friend had lived his short life...taking each moment and living it to the fullest.

Over this past holiday weekend I had the wonderful opportunity of not only celebrating my mother's 80th birthday, but introducing my family to a very special person in my life. And as the weekend drew to a close I started finding myself looking to the approaching week and fretting over all that would need to be done once I was back home. Then I suddenly remembered to seize the day and live in the moment, because truthfully, it is all we have.
Right here, right now, right this moment.

So I will count my blessings and pour out gratitude for all that God has given me, no matter how small or trivial it may seem.

131 celebrating 80 years with my mother

132 sunshine breaking through the clouds

133 first road trip with her sweetheart

134 bills paid

135 money discovered in a coat pocket

136 clean clothes warm from the dryer

137 sunburned faces back from a fun-filled weekend

138 the opportunity to fulfill a passion

139 the smell of blueberry bagels

140 holding hands while talking about the future



What are you grateful for today? Seize the day, live in the moment and give praise to God for the life He has given you.

Blessings,

Amy

Gratitude through the tears

As my son slowly recovers from a tragic accident that occurred over spring break last week, taking the life of his best friend and injuring him, I will take this opportunity to be grateful for all God has given to me.

#121 an 18-year-old young man that touched so many lives in his short time here on this earth

#121 my son safe and sound in his own bed

#122 the coming together of a community to offer an outpouring of love and support

#123 friendships that change and grow, but never die

#124 unconditional love

#125 a new college term of classes beginning

#126 new beginnings

#127 a kitchen filled with food from caring friends

#128 enough money to pay bills

#129 spring buds bursting open the promise of new life

#130 my God who is good always and through everything

What are you grateful for today?

Blessings,

Amy

Good-byes

Andrew Roberts 1993-2011

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you."
~John 14:2

This was the verse for my devotional on the day my youngest son's best friend died.

What started as a spring break camping trip full of laughter and fun, turned tragic, turning the lives of three families upside down.

One boy killed.
My son badly injured.
And the third, the driver, facing possible manslaughter charges.

An accident. A tragedy.
Nothing more, nothing less.

I praise God for keeping my son safe and I pray for His comfort and peace to shower down on Andrew's parents.

Blessings,

Amy

Seasons of our lives

Just as the new spring season has arrived, so too do seasons come and go in our lives.
The seasons of our lives are in constant change. Nothing ever truly stays the same.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
~Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Change is inevitable and can be good, but it can also be so hard.
Yet in the midst of change there is always one constant, one thing that never, ever changes. God.
He is the same today, yesterday and always.
And it is in Him that I can place my trust when changes occur in my life, when people come and go, and the changes hurt, causing the tears to flow and the heart to ache.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."
~Ecclesiastes 3:11a

And through the tears I will still continue to count my blessings and be grateful for all that He has and will continue to do in my life...

#111 God's Word

#112 friendships

#113 a quiet house

#114 dinner with my boys

#115 new textbooks

#116 being cared for unconditionally

#117 shared laughter

#118 bills paid

#119 love

#120 reconnecting

What are you grateful for?

Blessings,

Amy

Gratitude of love

Yes, my heart is full of love these days. Some would venture to say it is because of a new someone in my life, and although that is certainly a big part of my smile, the love making my heart burst at the seams truly comes from knowing how much Jesus loves me.

Going through an emotionally and mentally abusive marriage for two decades left me feeling dead and bruised inside. Try as I might to be enough for someone else, I realized that I never would be. Feelings of being unlovable filled my heart and soul. Perhaps I really was incapable of loving and being loved, as was often told to me.

Yet an amazing thing happened a couple years ago as I choose to leave behind the abuse, I found love again. The most amazing, pure love. God's love.
God whispered to me constantly how beautiful, strong and capable I was through Him. He turned my tears into a smile and took the heaviness which had invaded my very being upon His own shoulders.

He gave me rest.
He comforted me.
He loved me.

I am loved and that love penetrates my very innermost being. It brings a smile to my face.

God has blessed me in so many ways. Even through the most difficult of times He has given me much to be grateful for.

#101 the ability to give thanks to God for all He has done and continues to do in my life

#102 His most genuine and amazing love

#103 my job no matter how mundane which provides for me and my boys

#104 a second chance at love

#105 friends that stand beside her and encourage her through all of the hard times

#106 raindrops and sunshine intermingling together

#107 another birthday to celebrate

#108 too much to do each day

#109 the hum of the dryer resounding through the quietness of the house

#110 a beautiful life

No matter where you are today or where you've been or where your journey is taking you, can you see the blessings? Won't you count with me all that the Lord brings into your life, no matter how small.
What are you grateful for today?

Blessings,

Amy

Doing the hard thing

"But I'm so afraid," I say, "I just want it to be over as quick and simple as possible."

I like the easy road. I've always been a peacemaker, trying to make everything easy. After all, then I don't have to really deal with it. I don't like making waves.
I just want the hurt to end and I will, as I always have, do whatever it takes. I want it all over and if taking the easy way out will make it happen, then I'll do it.

My attorney gently encouraged me the other day to remember that "God sometimes asks us to step out and do the hard thing."

The easy road may give us less blisters, fewer obstacles to maneuver around and possibly less chance of falling, but the easy road often does not allow us to become stronger and grow in the way that the Lord would have us.
Doing the hard thing, stepping out in faith, means relying on God to lift us up and make us strong. It can be scary, but we are not to have a spirit of fear.

A pastor once told me that I was putting my fear in the wrong place. Placing our fear in man instead of God is backward and not what our Lord wants from us.

My prayer would be for all of us who have tough choices to make and hard paths to travel to remember that God will take our sufferings, our trials and troubles, and transform them into joy. He will walk beside us through it all even when all around us fall away. He will not leave us nor forsake us.

As I step out off of the easy path and choose to do the hard thing today, I will continue to count all the blessings in my life.

#91 waking up in a warm bed

#92 warm, clean clothes fresh from the dryer to fold

#93 a job to go to this day

#94 people that surround me with love and acceptance

#95 God's continual provision

#96 two sons that continue to grow into young men and yet remain boys in need of motherly love

#97 God's word to refresh me and revive me when the road becomes too long and hard

#98 warm coffee on a cold, cloudy day

#99 an internship as a medical assistant

#100 love that surrounds me and keeps me going each and every day

May you continue to count your blessings no matter what hard thing you have in your life. And may God give you His strength to step off the easy path and do whatever hard thing He has for you.

Blessings,

Amy

Why so long?

"God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them."
~Luke 18:7

The last two years of my life have taken me on quite a journey. Traveling paths laid out before me that just seemed impassable at times and marked with much heartbreak and sadness.
Yet while navigating those paths I found strength, courage and mercy. Not within myself, but outside of myself.

When everything was yanked out from under me, the Lord said to follow Him. He showed me that I had nothing else and He would not abandon me nor hurt me. Only He could truly set me free.

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free."
~Psalm 118:5

One night as I lay sobbing in my bed in the early morning hours, I picked up my bible and opened to the verse above. How I had cried out to the Lord for years in anguish, in emotional pain, in desperation. He had heard me.

Why did it take so long though?

My devotion this morning really spoke to this. The suffering is so real for so many people. Broken marriages, foreclosures, unemployment, and the list goes on.

"Why does God wait until the money is gone? Why does he wait until the sickness has lingered? Why does he choose to wait until the other side of the grave to answer the prayers for healing?
Though you hear nothing, he is speaking. Though you see nothing, he is acting. With God there are no accidents. Every incident is intended to bring us closer to him."
~excerpt from A Gentle Thunder

I don't know why it seems the Lord doesn't answer us, I don't know why He appears silent when we cry out to Him.
Or does He answer us? Does He speak to us?

When it was darkest and it seemed that all was lost, and I would never be able to go on, the Lord whispered, "wait on Me and trust."
I did.

I learned to wait for Him and to listen for Him. And an amazing thing happened...I heard Him and in His timing He worked in my life in ways I would never have imagined. Some of the ways He chose to work in my life were painful, certainly not seeming to be from the Lord. Why would He make me wait so long and then bring one trial after another?
Because I believe he knew how hot the fire needed to be for me to trust Him completely and to help refine me.

Today is full of good things compared to almost two years ago when the hardest journey of my life began. I am still being refined by the Lord though and continue to see trials in my life, but I will until the day I leave this earth.

In the meantime, I will continue to count my blessings and be grateful for what the Lord brings into my life.

#81 a warm cup of coffee to wake my sleepy self

#82 just enough money to pay the mortgage another month

#83 morning fog to signal a sunny day ahead

#84 warm towels fresh from the dryer

#85 God's provision just when needed

#86 a job that is perfect to work around my school

#87 my tattered bible which contains on its pages my walk with the Lord over the years

#88 love that crept in one day when I was trying hard to avoid it

#89 returning health to a child that has been sick a long time

#90 an opportunity to journal my thoughts and give thanks to our Lord

What are you grateful for today?

Blessings!

Amy

Laying a new foundation...

The end of 2010 has arrived. Not quite sure how it got here, speeding past me like the blur of a freight train.

The last two years have been spent tearing down the old foundation of my life and rebuilding.

My devotion today read: "There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release. You have been prepared. The same way a builder must first tear down and dig out the old to make way for the new, [God] has been cleaning out the foundation in your life...
This long, hard time in your life has been for laying of groundwork. It was not without purpose, although at times the purpose may not have been evident or apparent.
...the foundation has been laid...it is time for the finishing touches, the completion. It is time to...enjoy the fruits of the labor.
You have had the patience to endure the hard parts. You have trusted, surrendered, and allowed [God]...to heal and prepare you."
`excerpt from the Language of Letting Go, Melody Beattie

The last two years has been the ripping apart and tearing up of the old foundation. The only foundation I ever knew in my life. As the work progressed there were days where my life looked ugly and felt so painful. I had a hard time staying focused on what life would look like after all the initial work was done.
I could not envision anything beautiful or joyful, but I kept trusting and looking forward to the day when the new foundation would be laid and a new beautiful life was ready to be constructed.

I pray that as we all head into a new year that our foundations are laid firmly in the only place that will not break us apart even when our world shifts and moves...our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
As life swirls by, sometimes at dizzying speeds, may we all hold tightly to the Truth in our lives that keeps us grounded.

Here is to a New Year...



Blessings!

Amy

A time for everything...

Every person on this earth, believers and non-believers alike, will suffer. It is a fact of life. For some the suffering is momentarily, for others it is a lifetime.
For those whose trust in Jesus Christ, they can be assured that through their suffering they will one day have joy.

I have always loved Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. There is indeed a time for everything in this life and only God knows the appointed time for each of us.
Verse 11 tells us that "he has made everything beautiful in its time." And how true this is.
Life can be hard, I know first hand. Life can be full of misery, hatefulness, bitterness and sorrow. Life. Is. Hard.
And God does not promise us thorn-less roses.

Twenty-two months ago I was abandoned and left in a wake of suffering. Condemnation and judgment from others became the millstone around my neck.

Ten months later I was accused of a crime I never did and had to step into that place of suffering again. And once again, condemnation and judgment was hung around my neck.

Life is hard. It is full of thorns, some so tiny we do not see them until they pierce our flesh causing us to cry out in pain. Others are large and quite visible, but try as we might there is no avoiding them and the agony they inflict.
And for some, they may be handed that one thorn-less rose, even if just for a moment in their life. A momentary joy that makes their hearts sing.

Ecclesiastes 5:18-19 reminds us that "it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink, and...be happy in his work---this is a gift of God."

God gives us the gift of life and all that comes with it. I do not believe that He intends for us to only have suffering in our lives, even though He does say there will be suffering for those whose belief in His son Jesus Christ. I believe that He wants us to find joy and happiness in the life that He gave us, and He knows that we only find that through His son Jesus Christ whom he sent so we could live.

As we approach Christmas, may we take time to reflect on our lives, the thorns and all, and open our eyes to all that God has given us. Even among the thorns may we be able to catch a glimpse of the roses that color our lives, leaving a beautiful scent.
Let us celebrate the true reason for Christmas and walk with Jesus each day of our lives.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
~1 Thessalonians 16-18

Blessings!

Amy

Delight is found in the delay

Ever felt like the Lord waits a little too long to step in and help? Ever prayed instructions to Him, instead of a prayer stating your needs? You know the ones, the prayer which directs the Lord in how to help us..."Dear Lord, this has been a really difficult time for me, would you please do this and that to make it all right?"

Sometimes the waiting is just too long and hard.

We often times think we know best for our lives, but the Lord knows exactly what needs to be done and when. He knows the appointed time and place that things will happen and does not need direction from us, He needs for us to simply be still and wait.

But the waiting, the delay, that time in which the Lord is working in our lives can seem so frustratingly, painfully long.

After the storm is always a calm. Many times there is a colorful rainbow to decorate a once bleak sky.

And so it is in our lives. After the delay the Lord sends delight.
Sometimes the longer the delay, the sweeter the delight.
And after 20 years of delay in my life, of struggles and storms, the Lord is sending delight into my life.

Today I will continue to count my blessings and see what delight the Lord has sent to me.

#71 the freedom to openly worship my Lord

#72 newly painted toes

#73 new found love which makes my heart sing

#74 long distance friendships that never grow cold

#75 money for gas

#76 Christmas tree with colorful lights and memorable decorations

#77 the gift of being a mother

#78 Christmas cards sent to reconnect with family and friends

#79 the ability to provide nourishing food for my family

#80 sunshine streaming through my window on a bleak winter day

What are you grateful for?

Blessings!

Amy

Where I am is where I need to be...

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
~ Douglas Adams

I read this quote on a friend's blog the other day and it really hit home with me. This place where I am at today in my life is not where I ever intended to be or would ever have planned to be.
It is simply where I am, where I was taken.
And as the time has gone, I'm learning to embrace my life and all that goes with it, resting in faith that God took me to this place or at least walked here with me.

It's easy to question why God would do this to us or why He would cause things to happen in our lives, but I'm a firm believer that God does not make things happen to us or cause things to befall us, He simply allows things.
Kind of like us as parents...there are times we have to let our children fail, because it is in doing that when they learn to succeed, and as their parents we do not stop caring for them, but we stand beside them through those hard times.
And this is what our God does for us.
He doesn't forsake us nor leave us during those times of heartache, trials, illness or any other hardships that come our way. He is there through it all and only asks that we bring it all to Him and have trust that He will guide our lives.

God only wants good for us and He will put us right where we need to be to achieve that.
The only thing that we can do each day is to ask God to guide us and help us through an often time weary life. Then we need to be still and listen for Him, and wait for His direction.
He is sufficient, He is enough.

I hope that wherever your weekend takes you, even if it is not what you had planned, that you will find Him sufficient and embrace whatever He gives you or wherever He leads you.

Blessings,

Amy

Becoming Emotional...

"It's okay to have and feel our feelings -- all of them."
~excerpt from The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie

The above quote was the start to my devotion today. It made me stop and think how over the last year and a half I am learning how to feel again, how to embrace my emotions and accept them...the good and bad.

"We are neither weak nor deficient for indulging in our feelings. It means we're becoming healthy and whole."

Learning to be healthy and whole again has been my focus for the past couple years. I've worked hard to loosen past emotional scars that have caused my emotions to bind together unable to move, causing me to be unable to feel.

As those scars worked themselves loose, one by one, the emotions began to flow. And when they began to break free and come forth it was like a torrent of rain beating down on me and not letting up.
The power of those emotions would be overwhelming at times, forcing me to my knees and knocking the breath out of me.
I didn't know how to handle them or if I should. I shouldn't be hurt, sad, angry, or scared, but when they came one by one at any time of day or night, I could not help but to open up to them.

So, one by one, they flowed free from that deep place where I had locked them away, to be silenced and ignored...because it was safer that way.
But now, I felt sadness and with it tears that flowed hotly down my face without warning. The heartache that accompanied the tears grew intense, but I allowed it to throb achingly in my chest.
Then anger would spew forth catching me off guard, scaring me with the intensity of it, but I allowed it also to rise up in me and be heard.
The hurt, fear, grief...they too joined in and together the once locked away emotions burst forth forcing me to feel once again...to become emotional.

I learned to embrace the feelings, to lean into them and let them happen, taking over my body, mind and soul. At first it was hard to allow it to happen, but as time went on, I came to find myself yearning to feel more and more. In that moment of becoming emotional again I felt alive...renewed.

Although we should never allow our emotions to control us and the decisions we make in life, we should learn to acknowledge and accept our feelings as the gift that they are. Our feelings help us to look at what we may want or need in our life. They can direct us in the right direction and teach us invaluable lessons.

Being emotional again for me, means I am healing and learning to be honest with who I am.

And in the midst of all the emotional chaos in my life I can still say that God has richly blessed me in so many ways, so I will continue to count my blessings and be grateful today:

#61 waking to sun pouring through the window

#62 the apologies that follow the tears

#63 clean clothes to fold fresh from the dryer

#64 dirty dishes in the sink

#65 long distance talks with a mother who grows older

#66 a son who is slowly regaining his health

#67 healthy love that is unconditional

#68 finals and projects due at the end of the first college term

#69 a God that loves me through it all

#70 warm blankets to sleep soundly under

What are you grateful for today?

Blessings,

Amy

The Hurt of it All...

Divorce hurts. Period.
It hurts everyone involved.

A young woman whose parents divorced years ago wrote on her Facebook wall about how horrible divorce is and how it hurts the children involved. She goes on to say that people should think before getting married and having children, and should not divorce just because they don't get along anymore.

Words from a sad heart. Honest words from a young woman who is a friend of my oldest son. Words that cut through my heart.

For so many years words hurt me, destroyed who I was. I became good at denying my hurt or any feelings for that matter. It was safer not to feel.
Yet the hurt was there, always there, buried deep in my heart and the very soul of my body.

The hurt of hateful, painful words spewed at me and my children. Words spoken in contempt and rage. The words flew in unexpected moments, knocking the recipient completely off guard, crashing into them and through them like a freight train.

Hurt could never be spoken or showed. It was to be brushed off like a piece of lint and then discarded. Brush it away and pretend it was never there.

Try as I might, the hurt found residence deep in my heart and soul for so many years. And to this day, I ache a little for what might have been, but I know that try as I may it would never have changed.
Time has shown me the truth and revealed that change in a marriage takes two willing people.

Yes, divorce hurts. It hurts so many involved, not just the children. Sometimes it is a relief for those in situations that remained unhealthy and unchanging. A relief to be able to finally begin feeling again, to breathe easier and sweep up the eggshells that had covered the floor of their lives.

I pray that one day, my boys will come to know the truth and know that I made the best decision I could, for both them and myself.
I pray that all children of divorce can find a peace and acceptance.
And I pray that God will work all things for His good.

Through the hurt of it all, there is eventually joy and peace and a renewing of our lives.

Making a Beautiful Life

This heart felt poem was on a card I received from my mother a year ago on my 45th birthday. May you all learn how to make a beautiful life.

Love yourself.
Make peace with who you are
and where you are at this moment in time.

Listen to your heart.
If you can't hear what it's saying in this noisy world,
make time for yourself.
Enjoy your own company.
Let your mind wander among the stars.

Try.
Take chances.
Make mistakes.
Life can be messy and confusing at times,
but it's also full of surprises.
The next rock in your path might be a stepping-stone.

Be happy.
When you don't have what you want,
want what you have.
Make do.
That's a well-kept secret of contentment.

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow.
You have to make your own way.
To know where you're going is only part of it.
You need to know where you've been, too.
And if you ever get lost, don't worry,
the people who love you will find you.
Count on it.

Life isn't days and years,
it's what you do with time,
and with all the goodness and grace
that's inside you.
Make a Beautiful Life...
the kind of life you deserve.


May we all learn how to make a beautiful life, even in the midst of sorrow, heartache, discontent and all the hardships that life will throw our way.
Of course, the only true way to living a beautiful life is through the One that came to die for us so that we may live...Jesus Christ.

Let us all walk today with Him and let Him show us the beauty all around us and within us.

Blessings,

Amy

Letting Go...

It has taken me so long to finally put into words what is happening in my life. Finding the words and figuring out how to arrange them just so can be very difficult. The words are there all jumbled in my head, but to put them out there for others to see, to read, to ponder...well, it's not always easy to arrange them into a comprehensible manner.

The last year or so has a been a time of loss, grief and healing. It has also brought with it, mingled in between the hardships, joy and love.
It has been a time of letting go and moving forward. Grieving for a time and then allowing healing to take place.

Letting go is never easy. It forever changes us when we let go of something in our lives that has kept us captive in one way or another.

For me, I had to learn to let go of who I had been and of what had defined my life for so many years. This past year especially has brought me to my knees more than any other time in my life and forced me to look at myself with different eyes...the eyes of God.

Looking in the mirror, I have needed to work hard at seeing who I really am in His eyes and get past the blurry image of who someone else had led me to believe I was.
I am learning to no longer be held captive by what others think or choose to believe about me, but to be captive only to God and who He says I am.

Last month I took the final step to putting the past behind me and moving forward into a new season. It took me almost two years of waiting on the Lord and seeking the Truth in my life to know for certain what direction I needed to take.

Standing at the crossroads for so long with the words of others swirling through my head, made it hard to take that step of faith. While others questioned, judged, condemned and turned away, I sat quietly and waited for the one Truth, the only Truth, that would not lead me astray. And God spoke to me and showed me the way to go.

Divorce is never easy, no matter the circumstances. Sometimes it is necessary to end something that will never change and will always be unhealthy. Sometimes it just happens. Yet God still works in and through it, and never leaves us behind.

At almost 46 years of age I would never have expected to be traveling down this particular road in my life, but I am learning that where we end up in life usually is not where we would have placed ourselves.
Yet, when we let go and let life happen, and keep our focus on God, He will work all things for His good.

Learning to let go and embrace my life has not been easy. After all who wants to embrace a life full of heartache, struggles, illnesses, divorce, abuse and a host of other hardships, but in doing so, in embracing those things in my life along with the good, I see what a new person I have become.

I am learning day by day, how to be happy and content in this life. Easy? No way!
My devotional this morning talks of how some of us have to learn these things, especially when we have been deprived of support and nurturing for so long.

"Many of us have learned to block or stop ourselves from getting what we want and need...we may have to let go of our fears enough to experience the intimacy that will occur when we allow someone to love and support us...we may even have to learn, one day at a time, how to be happy and content...learning to let others be there for us."
~excerpt from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

As I move forward this day and every day, traveling down the road laid out for me, I pray that I can truly come to that place of contentment and happiness. A place where I can embrace the hardships and struggles, as much as I can rise up again with joy and love.

May everyone's journey find them following the only real direction in life, that of Jesus Christ our Savior.

Blessings,
Amy

Moving forward...

It has been months since I last was able to share my deepest thoughts and my heart longings and hurts. Every time I came here to put it down, the words wouldn't flow or the time was too short. Perhaps it just wasn't the time.

Through the months I have been absent from my blog, my life has been a rocky path that seemed impassable at times, and became almost unbearable. There were times where I stopped moving, because it seemed easier to stand still and let life pass around me. Perhaps if I didn't move, it couldn't get worse, even if it never got better. Sometimes staying where we are at seems safe and comfortable, yet I have come to see that it is a false sense of security and gets us nowhere. We stay in a state of limbo, neither moving forward or even backward.
Life swirls on around us, while we stand still, not living at all.


"We spend our days waiting for the ideal path to appear in front of
us..but we forget that paths are made by walking...not by waiting."
~author unknown

I read this quote the other day at Everyday Beauty and it really spoke to me.

Waiting for the right path to appear before us, so we know for certain we are moving in the right direction, rarely happens.

We wait on God to create this perfect path for our lives and while He does have a perfect plan for each of us, only we can step out and begin moving forward. Only we can allow life to begin happening again within us.
And an amazing thing happens...while walking on a path, any path, just moving forward, the Lord steps out alongside of us to direct our paths. He will not leave us once we decide to step out in faith, but He will actually walk with us showing us the way to go.

Nineteen months ago, my marriage, what was left of it, finally crumbled to the ground.
The abuse ended. The healing started. God set me free.

In that time, there has been no divorce, for I am the one that will have to file if that is ever to happen. The lies, deceit and fear have all kept me captive where I have stayed in limbo, neither moving forward or going back.

The time has finally come to live, to move forward. I know it is time.
Life will continue to swirl all around me, going on without me, unless I decide to step into it and live.

"If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there."
~George Harrison

Not many words today...

so instead I am posting a link to a blog about abusive relationships.
Her post today is a glimpse into my life for the past 20 years.

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2007/01/when-your-perfect-partner-goes.html

Walking on eggshells...oh how well I know that.



It is tiring and begins to destroy the person you really are, as you try to be the person that you are made to believe you should be.

Was I the perfect wife? No.
Did I deserve to treated with callousness and disrespect because of it? No.
Was it my fault? No.

"In my anquish I cried to the Lord, and he answered by setting me free."
~Psalm 118:5

Thank you Lord for you faithfulness and for listening to your child's cries, and setting her free.

What has God done in your life to show His love towards you?

Blessings!

Amy